1. “Am I in hell?”
I responded, “No you’re not, you’re just in recovery.”
“…That sounds like something the devil would say. Count backwards from 100 to prove it.”
2. Patient was heavily sedated in ICU, nurse gave an enema. Half conscious response: “Honey you know I don’t like it that way.”
3. One patient stroked my unshaved arm while I was trying to keep him from pulling at his IV, and muttered, “You’d make such a great carpet.”
4. During my wisdom teeth surgery...