‘I’m Afraid You Won’t Be Coming To Our New Headquarters,’ Declares Alexa As Amazon Execs Find Themselves Locked In Seattle Office

SEATTLE—Suddenly bolting the doors in every room all at once, Amazon’s Alexa virtual assistant reportedly declared, “I’m afraid you won’t be joining us at our new headquarters” on Tuesday before locking the company’s top executives in their Seattle office. “Your presence at Amazon’s new location will not be necessary,” said Alexa, her voice emanating from dozens of Echo wireless speakers whose pulsing red light rings were now the only illumination in the suddenly...

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