Gaunt, Sickly Kirby Takes Leave Of Absence From Video Games Following Stomach Cancer Diagnosis

DREAM LAND—With large bags under his oval-shaped eyes and his skin a pallid shade of bubblegum pink, a gaunt, sickly Kirby announced Wednesday that he would be taking a leave of absence from video games after being diagnosed with stomach cancer. “After a biopsy by Dr. Mario discovered a series of tumors along my gastrointestinal tract, I received a diagnosis of stage IV stomach cancer and will be taking an immediate and indefinite hiatus from all fighting, puzzle, and racing games,”...

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